New American Gladiators?! Is it my birthday?!

I am not even halfway through the first episode of the All New American Gladiators and I am completely engrossed! If I were a snob I would blame it on the lack of original programming due to the writer's strike, but seeing as I once owned an original American Gladiator thermos, I know where my heart is. This type of pageantry, posturing and, lets face it, awesomeness, has not been seen on network television in many years (Donald Trump's stupid face doesn't count). The priceless Gladiator banter combined with the sensitivity of Hulk Hogan make for the best two hours of television I've witnessed in weeks. As far as the games go, the old favorites are back (Joust, Hang Tough, the Eliminator) and they've brought some new, kickass friends with them (the Earthquake, Hit and Run). And the names, sweet Jesus, it's like I'm seven again, sitting in my basement with a case of Mountain Dew and four boxes of Jawbreakers: Wolf, Siren, Toa, Crush, Venom, Titan, Fury, Justice, Mayhem, Hellga. No one will ever be another Storm or Nitro, but dammit, they sure come close. Also, their manipulation of the English language is magnificent. The example I choose is in the Eliminator; they could call a certain challenge a "treadmill" but they go for the more universal "travelator." What have I done without you Gladiators?! My vocabulary was dull and lifeless until you came back into my life. So, until the writer's strike is over, please consider this as a suitable replacement for original Monday night programming. Even after the strike, this will remain a solid part of my DVR until it's no longer fun (which I don't think will EVER happen) or until it gets cancelled, in which case I will light a candle and say a prayer for the everyday Joe's and Jane's that compete, and for those mammoths who look down with disdain from their Joust towers. Bless you, you muscular angels!


An aside: Here's a fun game: everything in your house is now a Gladiator name, you just have to use the right inflection. Examples: Crisco, Biscuits, Bounce, Velveeta, Snugglesoft, Jumparoo, Burprag, Blerg, Trashhole, DuvetCover, Junkmail, Playpen, XBox, Gamecube, Windex, Rawhide. OK, I could seriously go on forever, but I'll just continue on in my dreams. Happy watching!!